I can't stop having sex

Jessica Kennedy, Mental Health America

Sex is very personal, and what’s normal varies from person to person. People with high libidos might want to have sex every day, where people with low libidos could be happy having sex once a week or less. The average adult has sex about once a week, but it’s fine to have more—or less—as long as it works for you.

People don’t always want to have the same amount of sex all the time, so it’s expected for sexual activity to fluctuate. If you just got over a lot of stress, you may be feeling relaxed enough to have sex again.

You might also be worried about how you’re having sex but who you’re having sex with. It’s normal to have sex outside a relationship. Some religions may not be wild about it, but having a one-night stand doesn’t make you a slut or a bad person. It’s normal for people to experiment sexually, especially after the end of a long-term relationship.

You may also worry about the circumstances of your sex life—maybe you’re having a lot of sex on ecstasy, or you’re suddenly having a lot of public sex.

Nobody gets to tell you what is normal or moral when it comes to sex. You don’t deserve to have people criticize you for the frequency of your sex life, your number of partners, or your choice in partners.

That said, if you are feeling like something is wrong, or that your sex life is ruining the rest of your life, you may want to think about what’s going on.

If you’re suddenly experiencing a change in your sex life, there could be a few things going on:

  • Your libido has changed for some reason. Maybe you changed hormonal birth control or maybe you just broke up with someone that made sex a boring chore. Either way, you might be hornier than usual and having sex as a result. This isn’t necessarily a cause for alarm, but you may want to bring it up with a medical doctor just to rule out anything funky.

  • You may be really excited about a new relationship. When you first start dating someone and you’re attracted to them, it can be really fun to do the deed. This is especially true when you’re feeling that electric attraction. As long as it’s not causing a problem for you, this may be normal.

  • You are in a manic state. It’s possible that you’re experiencing a manic episode. People experiencing mania can do things that are impulsive and out of character like overindulging in pleasurable activities like sex, gambling, or shopping. They often have racing thoughts, feel invincible, take on lots of new projects,  and require less sleep than usual. If you think this is you, it’s definitely time to talk to a doctor or a counselor about what you’re experiencing.

  • Something else is going on—you’re addicted to sex, you’re having sex as a result of an addiction, or you’re engaging in sexually compulsive behaviors as a result of a personality disorder. Sex addiction isn’t a standalone entry in the DSM-5. It’s commonly associated with borderline personality disorder or bipolar disorder. And increased sex may be associated with frequent drug use. Regardless, if it’s bothering you and interfering with your life and relationships, you’ll want to get help.

It can be tricky to find a counselor or therapist who specializes in sex-related issues. It’s also a little nerve-wracking to open up about your sex life. Remember that your counselor or therapist has likely seen or heard it all. 

For women, your OB-GYN could be a great resource; men, your urologist can provide you with more information. 

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